Coming out of the hospital, fear seemed a constant companion. Every twinge was a possible recurrence. "What ifs" were abundant. What if I have another attack. What if I never recover? What if I don't survive next time. What will my family do if... Through a lot of prayer and determination, I've managed to keep the fear at bay more often than not. Some of the "what ifs" were allayed by future planning and not putting my head in the sand anymore. The ones that dealt with the physicality of what happened or could happen, had to be handled with physicality.
Frustration came next. One day I would be going great guns. Woo hoo on my way! Then I would over do and be down for a couple of days. I've learned that lesson. Slow and steady wins this race. Last week during one of my rehab workouts, the physiologist made me slow down, and bring the incline down. But I was doing so well! That was Monday a week ago. On Wednesday I asked him if I can still do the same workout as I was doing when he slowed me down and he said "Sure". He said as my heart strengthens, it will take longer before my heart rate is such that he has to come slow me down. Okay! Armed with this info and the fact that since I had finished my 6th session with them, and could work out at home too, I moved forward. Thursday was great. I got on the treadmill and did the same workout as I did at the rehab clinic. Problem is, I then went outside and did, what I thought wasn't strenuous garden work. FYI, garden work is at least 75% upper body. Sore arms, chest, and sore shoulders from gardening and sewing about sent me into a panic attack. What's concerning, what isn't. I knew I had over done again! So I took Friday off from rehab. Then I took Saturday off from anything physical. Dh and I drove up into the mountains and looked at antique shops and such. We had a grand time.
Then came Sunday. Sunday I resolved to get back on the treadmill but at an easy pace. I have a heart monitor, and did 45 minutes on the treadmill but in 15 minute increments. I never let my heart rate get over 110 that day. It wasn't a true workout, but I moved.
The Victory, however small, came today! I was back at rehab today. I knew I was being monitored, and what better way to push yourself than under medical supervision. I started doing my normal rehab workout; warm up 1 minute at 3 speed 0 incline. Then up to 3 speed 4 incline. At every 5 minute mark I brought the incline down to 0 for 1 minute to give my heart a break. Then right back up. I had been walking 30 minutes with very little trouble when here comes the physiologist telling me to turn down the incline. He congratulated me though saying he didn't have to come over til the last 5 minutes of the workout. Now that's great, though at the time I was still frustrated with having to slow down AGAIN!!!! That wasn't what I call my small victory. My small victory was this. After the workout, I went over to him and asked out of curiosity how high my heart rate got before he slowed me down.......130. Yep! 130. Yesterday I was worried about it going over 110. Today It safely went to 130. Well above what I need to do to stay on track health wise. He told me I can get it up to 124 at home easy. To burn fat for a woman my age, my heart needs to beat 115-118.
Mama ain't playin no more. Let's get this show started! And no, I am not going outside to work in the garden. Still pacing myself, but, guys, there's a light at the end of the tunnel!
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