A change in perspective

Something I've thought about a lot over the last 5+ weeks, but rarely speak out loud is the thought of "What if".  Those two words hover over me.  They hover over me even now, not so much due to fear, although there is some of that ( to be honest)but mainly thru the realization that no one is promised tomorrow.  I remember thinking on the way to the hospital, what if this is it?  I had no way of knowing.  I'd had no experience having a heart attack.  So what if that was it?  Would my family know how much I loved them?  On the practical side, I wondered how my husband would handle the worst happening; my mom, my family.  At the risk of sounding maudlin, what if that was THE day.

Thankfully it wasn't the day.  I'm still here to regale you with my opinion....you're welcome....or sorry..(smile).  So I lived to see another day.   Things have changed though.  I look at things more short term.  I starting to realize how fragile life is...and how precious.  For that I can't help but be thankful.

We all do it.  We make lofty plans (or just plans) for down the road; " I can't wait til fall", "I can't wait til Christmas", "when I get (insert subject here) taken care of, I'll make time for my family, God, myself, etc." There's always tomorrow, until there isn't.  Time with people you love takes on a whole new meaning when you appreciate the fact that any particular day you're together may be the last time you will be together.  We live our lives under the assumption that tomorrow will always come.  Nothing wrong with that.  In a practical sense, we need to plan, budget, figure things out.  We can't always live our lives like there's no tomorrow.  I still make plans for down the road. In fact I'm making plans for a Thanksgiving dinner with my kids. Planning hasn't changed, but now it's with a mental caveat. I'm just more aware, of how each day is a gift. As a result of my new found "awareness", I have sub-consciously initiated a "Never again" list:

1)  Never again will I bemoan a new wrinkle, birthday, or other reminder of old age approaching (uh it's at the door!).  There are many people, younger, sometimes much younger than I that will never have the opportunity to get to the age I am now.  I've watched my three children grow to adulthood,  celebrated my daughter's wedding, the birth of 2 grand children, 25 years of marriage.  Many don't get those chances.  It's extremely selfish on my part to dread a birthday.  Instead I'll embrace each one with thankfulness, and honor every grey hair, wrinkle, sag, etc.

2)  Never again will I shun the treadmill (or other cardio equipment).  While I'm still a huge proponent of any activity is better than none, my perspective has changed on treadmill walking.  Don't get me wrong, my 60 lbs came off with some structured exercise and a lot of unstructured physical activity.  That policy got me from 230 lbs to 170 lbs.  I still believe if you are where I was in the beginning; incorporating a "whatever activity works" policy paired with healthier eating is a good way to start. Structured exercise is no longer something I do just to lose weight.  It's what I do to ensure my survival.  45 minutes of walking is a small price to pay to add years to my life.  I no longer look at it as 45 minutes wasted when I could be doing something productive.  It's producing extra time for me to spend with my family.

3)  Never again will I put off until tomorrow something that should have been done years ago.  Namely, we need a will.  It's on my list of things to do TODAY.   We thought of it.  Sometimes I would say "we need to do that", but the need to worry about it seemed far off and other things took precedent.  That has changed.  I don't care how old you are, if you are an adult, you need a will.  This is what I'm looking into.  Check out this article on Clark Howard's site

https://clark.com/family-lifestyle/wills-funerals/cheapest-easiest-ways-to-do-will/

Wills don't have to break the bank.  It's worth it in the long run, And I've put it off far too long.  Along this same line, there are things I need to get situated in case.  Things I want to do for my kids.

I know this seems like a morbid kind of post, but it really isn't.  It's about a new appreciation for life, and life well lived.  It's about caring for myself daily; physically, mentally, spiritually.  It's about making sure to take care of my family weather here or not.  I just had a wake up call.  Time to get up!

James 4:13-15 " Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, do you not even know what will happen tomorrow.  What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."


J