Remembering THAT Girl

Look at that girl!

This picture was taken not even 2 years ago.  It'll be two years this summer.  I have no make up on.  We were camping as well so, hair not styled and got my play clothes on.  We were in the middle of a hike; a hike of a moderately steep trail, and hubby decided to take a picture.

I love this picture.  You'd think I would've been embarrassed with the lack of grooming, but I wasn't.  I love this picture because of what it represents.  I was 63 pounds down from my starting weight, not my highest weight, but my starting weight.  You can see me at my highest weight below.

  At 51 years old I had finally figured out how to be healthy.  I was feeling good.  I'd go shopping for clothes (cause it was fun now), find something I'd think I couldn't wear yet, try it on anyway, and find it fit!  I moved easier, had more energy, wore comfortable clothes because they fit!  I was chomping at the bit to be active.  I wanted to move. The girl in the first picture had it all together.

Then the heart attack happened barely 2 months later.  A heart attack with no visible reason why.  For 2 weeks I was told to not do anything.  I couldn't even lift a gallon of milk, they said.  Then I couldn't workout unless cleared with a stress test and I needed to go thru rehab.  That wasn't for another 2 months.  Rehab told me I was to never get my heart rate above 124, so while my muscles were like "Hey we got this", the rehab folks (party poopers) would slow me down, and I wouldn't even be breathing hard!  In the midst of all that I was on two meds that had a side effect of chest pain.
 What?

 I spent a lot of time talking myself down off the ledge.  Rehab was the only place I felt comfortable exerting myself because I was on a monitor, but the exercise I was getting there was no where near what I had been doing.

Another side effect of one med was a panicked feeling.  That med went the way of the dodo after Christmas, but while on it, the least little twinge and I was panicking.  Since the other side effects of both meds were chest pain, well yea, not a fun combo.  Hubby wanted me to stay on the second med( the non panicky one) until my labs were done that following Sept ( as in this past Sept).  This med was supposed to lower cholesterol (but I never had a blockage?)and reinforce me artery walls.  So, okay.  I'll stay on it.  My OBGYN told me later that Magnesium would reinforce my arteries as well.

 Really? Hmmm.

So, I got my labs back that September and my cholesterol was up.  Still normal, but up from what it was.  So was my weight; not much, about 5 lbs.  In came the Magnesium, out went the cholesterol med.

During all this, Pre-Menopause showed up.  With that came sleepless nights, crazy carb cravings, and three day long head splitting headaches that no med could touch.  I would get back on track eating wise only to have one of these hit and disable me for 2 or 3 days.  Now we have the pandemic, quarantine, and items out of stock at the store.  Wild ride.

Are these excuses?  Some, maybe.  But in all honesty it's the only way I can explain the toil the past almost two years have taken.  I've had good times too, some milestones I wanted to hit I did, But the woman I am now is not the woman in that picture.  At least not yet.

I saw the above picture the other day and I thought about that girl.  Who she was, how she felt, and decided I want her back.  At this point I'm up about 15 lbs.  I look at my clothes and some I know I can't wear, and others I hope I can still wear.

Still in the Pandemic, pre-menopause is still a factor.  In fact, just had one of those headaches 2 days ago.  I've got to work my way thru this.  I want her back.  I know she's there inside probably rolling her eyes and tapping her foot waiting on me to get my act together.

I had a glimpse of her today.  I got a good nights sleep last night.  I awoke refreshed and raring to go.  My hubby thinks it was too much caffeine, but it wasn't.  Maybe a combination of morning coffee and sleep gave me energy I haven't had in a long time.  On the heels of that thought came the realization that I've been existing for a while on 4-5 hours sleep, carbs, caffeine and nerves.  Not a good combo.

That's about to change.